Lecturer: Master Zheng-Yan
Subject: The Eight Sufferings Part 5(八苦五)
Earlier we spoke about the suffering of the body through birth, aging, illness and death. Next is the Suffering of Parting with What We Love.
Most people have love in their hearts. Because they cling to love, they suffer deeply. We are speaking of the love between people. It is said, “We are often unpleasantly separated from those whom we love, and are not reunited. This is Suffering of Parting with What We Love.”
Truly, if people are attached to their love, parting is very painful. For some people, love arises out of affection. There are many types of affection, familial, friendly, loving, and lustful. If we become attached to any type of affection, then our mind becomes confused and afflicted, and cannot adjust to our daily lives, so we suffer inexpressibly. That is the Suffering of Parting with What We Love. We often hear strange stories of love between men and women. Lust and craving cause many problems in society.
There was a young man who met a woman. They were passionate and inseparable, but then it came time for his military service. The couple began to worry about being so far apart. Would she be able to visit him? Would he visit her? It was hard for them even before he left. Then the day finally arrived, and he had to report to duty. During the intensive training, he was not supposed to leave camp, but he hopped over a wall so he could see her. The army began looking for him, so they called his house. “He was only in training for two days, where is he? He has disappeared.” His mother was worried, and the army was worried. Should the army be held responsible or should his family? His mother figured out he was on a date with his girlfriend. Feeling helpless, she said, “These are the army’s rules, you must hurry back!” So he went back to the base. Because he violated the rules, he received a strict warning. But he still could not adjust, and he stopped eating. He started living very abnormally. The army sent him to doctors but to no avail. It was truly abnormal. So after six months, the military sent him home.
At this point, the mother also began sending him to doctors. Still nothing worked. His minds was in a state of confusion. The only one he recognized was the woman he loved. But her parents opposed the relationship. They were against her continued relationship with this disturbed man. She knew this was not someone she could depend on for the rest of her life, so she began to distance herself and stopped visiting him. His illness became even more severe. His mother was heartbroken when she told me the story many years ago. He went back and forth between staying at home and at the hospital. She said, “When he’s at home I always worry. I’m afraid of doing something to set him off. But sending him to the mental hospital is a great financial burden. What should I do?”
So I told her, “You should apply for low-income assistance. How can a single mother care for a mentally-ill adult son?”
“But I own a house, what should I do? You have to find a way to appeal.” Unfortunately, her request was not approved. I remember there was only one thing we could do, so we asked commissioners to care for this family, to see if they could find away to help the boy. It has been many years since then, but this case shows how a mind can truly become confused. Love is a type of affection. The lust between men and women caused this young man with a future to become confused; it destroyed his life. This is the Suffering of Parting with What We Love. If we cannot stay together as we hope, we are “unpleasantly separated.” If we cannot be together, we suffer deeply.
Affection causes people to suffer. When one clings to desire arising from familial, friendly, loving, or lustful affection, confusion and afflictions emerge in the mind. When it is time to part, the suffering is indescribable.
There is also familial affection. We spoke of love and lust between men and women. Now we will discuss familial affection. Nowadays, it is truly rare. In the Buddha’s time, there was a devout Upasika, a lay practitioner, who often listened to the Buddha speak the Dharma. She had one son who had very delicate features. He was obedient and dutiful, and they had a great relationship. His mother adored him. One day she saw a vision of evil ghosts coming to drag her son away. She was worried and screamed, “I’m a disciple of the Buddha. I believe and follow His teachings. I obey His rules and precepts. How can you carry my son away?”
The Ghost King said, “You believe in the Buddha and uphold precepts, but your son has his own karma.”
She said, "I just ask that, no matter what, you leave my son here. I will obey the Buddha."
So the Ghost King said, "Alright, because you devoutly obey the Buddha's teachings and have Right Faith, I will let him go. But this is temporary. I won't give him this chance again unless he follows the Buddha and upholds the precepts, too." Then he relaxed his grip and the mother suddenly woke up.
In her mind, she kept replaying the sight of the evil ghosts wanting to drag her son away. She believed, "I'm a disciple of the Buddha." So she asked the Ghost King for mercy, and he did her a favor. He said her son had to uphold the precepts, but that this was a temporary reprieve. She kept replaying this vision in her mind, and she advised her son to leave the lay life. Her son was quite obedient, and sometimes listened to the Dharma with her. So he said, "Leaving lay life is good. Life is impermanent. We cannot be together forever. Parting is inevitable." So he took her advice and left home to join the Buddha's monastic order.
Though he left the lay life, he could not calm his mind. He only thought of his mother. Although he had left his lay life and become a monastic, he kept thinking about home because his mother really adored him. It was very hard to sever that mother-son link. One day he left the other monks and went home. His mother saw him from far away and wondered, "My son left home, why is he back?" She became worried. When a mother sees her son, she should be happy, so why was she worried? Her wisdom closely followed the Buddha-Dharma. She had internalized the Dharma, so she knew people could not stay together forever. Parting is inevitable. She had happily sent him off to begin his diligent practice to attain eternal liberation, but when she saw that his will to practice could not remain firm, she became worried.
When her son came close, she scolded him. She said, "You became a monk to transcend the world, so why have you returned? When wealth has been saved from a house on fire, why do you throw it back into the fire?" What she meant was, it was so hard for him to leave home to be a monk, so why did he come back? She used the analogy of standing outside a burning house. With great difficulty, he had managed to save everything while the fire was still going strong. Since he had saved everything, why would he go back in? This was his mother’s wisdom. She was right. Is becoming a monastic that easy? It was a true blessing to live when the Buddha was alive and to personally receive His teachings. Life is impermanent. His mother remembered her spiritual encounter. She had advised her son to leave the lay life. The body is like a house. The house is on fire, yet he was able to escape with great difficulty. He had even brought the valuables with him. So why would he go back in? This describes how life does not last long. Being monastic, upholding precepts and practicing is ever-lasting, so why did he come back? So in her wisdom, she scolded him and taught him a lesson.
How did her son respond? He said, “I thought that if my mother dies, I will never see her again, so I came back to see you. Why aren’t you happy to see your son?” He thought it was strange. They used to have a great relationship. She was the only thing on his mind. As she was getting older, he was worried that she might die one day. If she died, he would no longer be able to see her. He was constantly worried, so he rushed back to see her. How could she be unhappy?
His mother told him, “My son, you have left home to be a monk. You must forger your family and cut family ties. We will walk our separate paths. You’re still young, and the Buddha-Dharma is precious. Meeting the Buddha is rare, yet you have such a great opportunity to do so. You must maintain your will to practice. Leave, and forger this home. Cut off your love in order to focus on your practice.”
The young monk listened to his mother’s advice, and finally understood his mother’s devotion. He also knew it was difficult for a mother to cut off her own son. His mother let go for the sake of his cultivation. He understood her intentions, and so he became enlightened and they were no longer entangled. He knew that there would always come a day when they would have to part, so he returned to the monastic community and became more diligent. He was young, so he tamed his mind, and focused on listening to Dharma and putting it into practice. This young man was enlightened. He attained the initial stage of an Arhat.
This was a story of an Upasika, a female lay practitioner in Buddha’s time, and her Right Beliefs after learning His Dharma.
Everyone, learning Buddha-Dharma is a mindset, so we have to constantly adjust our minds. Everyone, please always be mindful.
(Source: Da Ai TV 靜思晨語 法譬如水)
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