Lecturer: Master Zheng-Yan
Subject: The Eight Sufferings Part 6(八苦六)
We use our minds to tune into our environment. If we think about it, we feel cold when it is cold, and we feel hot when it is hot. If we compare how cold it gets here to how cold it gets elsewhere, then we have it better. If we look at how warm it is here compared to some other places, we also have it better. So if we can change our perspective and always be understanding and open-minded, then we will always be at ease.
Yet people do not necessarily find the way to become understanding. So they inevitably feel resentful. This is one of the Eight Sufferings. Today we will talk about “Meeting What We Hate.” Previously we spoke of “Parting with What We Love.” We love someone, but eventually we must part, which is very painful. Then there is also Meeting What We Hate. At one point we hoped to always be with someone, but now we are resentful toward that person, so we are unhappy when we see them, and cannot wait for them to leave. At first we cannot be apart, but when where is resentment, we only wanted to get away.
So we often hear about newlyweds getting a divorce. Before they got married, there must have been a long courtship. She is his only love. He pursues her, and then he gets her, so why do they get a divorce soon after that? That is the way our minds work. Desire created and affinity, so this man started pursuing her. When the brief affinity ended, he became resentful. When we pursue someone, we want them desperately, and when we detest someone, we hate them deeply. There are the ways of ordinary people.
So the Buddha told us, “People who hate and seek revenge on each other wish to be far apart, but end up together.” That is “Meeting What We Hate.” We wish to apart, but we end up together.
Our society has many cases like this. A beautiful young wife, who was also a teacher and an intellectual, was very sad. Why was she sad? She said that in college she met a foreigner. They really loved each other, so they got married and had a child. After some time, while he was working away from home, he swindled and seduced other women. After more than ten years of marriage, she found out. This Taiwanese wife thought that since it already happened, what could she do? But then the women that her husband cheated with joined together to sue him for fraud and adultery. When they sued, this young wife did not think about filing a countersuit. Instead, she became a defendant. Why was she a defendant? Because she was married to this man and they shared property, the women sought payment from her as well. The husband had seduced and swindled them, so they sued her for her property as well. This was emotionally unbearable for the wife.
Even after her husband was sentenced to jail for four years, she could not let it go. “If I pay the settlement, I become an accomplice to his crimes！” So she continued to appeal. Although the judge felt she was wronged, he still rejected her appeal, which meant she had to pay them a settlement. She really struggled with this. “Clearly I should not have been at fault. The judge knew I was innocent. The money is all mine, I bought the house with my money. My husband was at fault. He did not behave properly, so these women worked together to sue him and I became a defendant as well.” It was very hard for her to swallow. But what could she do?
The judge told her, “Money is not important I will render a light judgment, a little more than NT $900,000 【US$30,000】. Accept your loss and just pay them. Only by paying them money can this stop.” But this woman was truly lost and did not know what to do. “I don’t mind paying the money, but losing means that my reputation is damaged.” So she was reluctant to pay. After hearing her story I told her, “Accept it. Stop this entanglement. Let it end so you can have peace in your heart.”
She said, “That would be nice, but I worry！”
Why was she worried? Because her husband would soon be released in a few months, he would get out of jail. Would he try to find her? They had not divorced, so of course he would look for her, and then what would she do? We are helpless when facing this kind of affinity. This is also “Meeting What We Hate.” The husband was in jail, but the wife worried that he would be released and come home. This kind of relationship is very tough, so “Meeting What We Hate” is painful.
Ordinary people’s love arises from desire. When we pursue someone, we want them desperately. When resentment arises, we end up with deep hatred. These entanglements are hard to untie. “Meeting What We Hate” is suffering.
Besides hate, we also have “Unfulfilled Desires.” We seek to attain many things and suffer when we do not get them. This goes for everyone. I often say, “having one, we lack nine.” Who is not lacking? Every one of us wants something. In our daily lives, are we always satisfied? No, there is always something wanting. In the morning and at noon, we are hungry "What do I need now?" "To eat." My body needs food. This happens every day. But we do not simply want to eat, we want to eat what we like, not what we dislike. If we have to eat what we dislike, we suffer from "Meeting What We Hate." If we have to go hungry, then we are suffering from "Unfulfilled Desires." Life's suffering can result from very subtle desires of which we are unaware. We should be satisfied with what we have, but our hearts say it is not enough.
Thus, "When in pursuit of things in the world, we cannot attain everything that we desire. This is the suffering of Unfulfilled Desires."
Everything we do in this world, we do with hope of success. But do we succeed in attaining all we desire? It is difficult. If we want affection, will we get it? If we want love, will we get it? If we want medicine, will we get it? We seek to obtain so many things because we have desires. We crave a wide variety of things, so it is difficult to attain everything. It is said that we do not get eight or nine things out of ten. We want ten things, but it is difficult to fulfill eight or nine of those desires. Thus, perfection is difficult. That is the Suffering of Unfulfilled Desires.
We seek to obtain many things in life. We do not get eight or nine things out of ten. Because we have these unfulfilled desires, afflictions arise from "having one, lacking nine."
The Suffering of Unfulfilled Desires is also found in other Realms. When the Buddha was alive, not only did humans come to him with afflictions, even heavenly beings came to him with questions. When the Buddha was at Jeta Grove, a dignified looking Heavenly Lord visited him at night, and his aura illuminated Jeta Grove. The heavenly being shone brightly like jewels. He came in front of the Buddha, sincerely and respectfully prostrated and paid his respects. Then he requested Dharma from the Buddha. He said to the Buddha, "With great power, one is at ease and joyful. Whatever one seeks, one attains. There is nothing superior. Everything that one desires is there."
This passage was the Heavenly Lord’s question. He said “great power” as praise for the Buddha. Buddha was a sagely victor with great power, which means He has awe-inspiring virtue. So “With great power, one is at ease and joyful” was used to describe the state of the Buddha. He told Buddha “Whatever one seeks, one attains. There is nothing superior. Everything that one desires is there.” This is also praise for Buddha, saying that Buddha had all He desired. What could possibly make Him happier? Everything is complete, and in that state, joy is perfect. This heavenly being believed that his state of mind and the Buddha’s state of mind were the same, full of happiness from easy attainment.
But Buddha replied, “With great power, one is at ease and joyful.” That is true. He is at ease and joyful when “there is nothing more to ask for.” If there are no desires, then one is naturally at ease. But “One who desire is pained, not happy.” If there are still desires, then there is suffering. Where is happiness? True happiness comes from having no desires. So the Buddha said, “True happiness comes from having no desires.” The heavenly being had thought happiness came from attaining many desires, but the Buddha was happy because he had no desires. Those are different states of mind. His point was, though you attain many things, eventually they will be gone and you will be unhappy. So if you have no desires, there will be no past, present or future. If our minds are already at ease, what material objects could replace that? There is nothing more to seek.
True happiness is giving without asking for anything in return. As long as there is desire, there will never be contentment.
That lack of desire is the Buddha’s state of mind “One who desires is pained, not happy.” We can understand this truth and how it differs from the heavenly being’s mindset. He was very arrogant and boasted that he had everything, so he did not need anything more. But the Buddha said, after pursuing and attaining objects of desire, we eventually lose them, so there is no need to desire anything. It is a different state of mind, and the Heavenly Lord was happy after he heard it. “He hears the Buddha’s words, joyfully paid respect at His feet, and then vanished.” That was the conversation between the Buddha and the Heavenly Lord, who was respectful and paid his respect to the Buddha. After hearing the teaching, he understood the difference between the false joy of fulfilling desires and simply having no desires. He understood the distinction. So when he left, he again paid his respects to the Buddha. He touched his head to Buddha’s feet and left. The Heavenly Lord vanished. This was Buddha’s teaching to the Heavenly Lord.
Those who understood, knew it was just a tiny difference in mindset. That is enlightenment. If we have any attachments, we are deluded. Delusion and enlightenment both exist in the mind. We must know that suffering comes from unfulfilled desires, and that we will never have everything we want. Thus Buddhist practitioners must better understand the Buddha’s mindset. So please always be mindful.
(Source: Da Ai TV 靜思晨語 法譬如水)
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